after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
