Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
