The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
