ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
