he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
