Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
