I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
