it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
3pm strippers are depressing
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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