You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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