If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
