Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
