I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
