i just wanna soil my oats bro
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
