if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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