I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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