NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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