Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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