Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
