Your face is a jimmy john
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
