By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
