i barfeds in our rink
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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