Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
