She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize