i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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