i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
