I wanna bring you to show and tell
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
