dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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