i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
