Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i need some magic done to my vagina
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
