I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
