I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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