My room smells like vodka and shame
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
