It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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