it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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