dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
