i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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