3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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