he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need to calm my uterus...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
