$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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