happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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