On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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