I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
