he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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