Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
