What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
