the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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