So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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