Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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