yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
