My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
