new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
