just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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