dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
